20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew: Expert Advice from Sherrie Eldridge

samantha rose: I highlighted a lot of points in this book that were new insights for me about what my son has gone through and might be thinking and feeling. I only discovered it when my son is 18 so I have some regret on things I did that didn’t serve him but it’s never too late to learn and do better. I wrote a letter to my son pointing out the parenting mistakes I made based on what I learned in this book and think that he appreciates being more seen, understood, and that he can open up more to me on the thoughts/feelings he’s been hiding because he thought I would not understand/take it the wrong way. I hope this book is given to all new adoptive parents.

United States on Nov 20, 2023

Ap: This book has good information for families who have adopted children who might be struggling with finding their way in healthy relationships.

United States on Oct 22, 2023

Erik M.: I am an adoptee, my life has been forever deeply effected in ways from my adoption i have never been able to speak about until i started reading these books, I urge and pray that all parent’s looking to adopt or are currently parenting an adoptee DO YOUR RESEARCH, and validate your kid’s experiences, it’s the denial that can turn a small spark into a huge inferno if left invalidated, learn to acknowledge your adoptees experience, what they are telling you in this book, it could make the difference of life and death. Seriously. Adoption is no joke. And should not be looked at as “they are so lucky” adoption is build around loss and grief and cannot be denied.

United States on Jun 21, 2023

George: Excellent introduction to adoption and should be required reading for anyone (or relation) to an adoptive home.

Canada on May 01, 2021

Amazon カスタマー: 生まれた時に刻み込まれたトラウマに翻弄される養子の心のからくり、家族のダイナミックスを詳細に解き明かす。生母からの拒絶による圧倒的な羞恥と自尊感情の低さを理解せずに、(表向きの顔からは計り知れなくとも)その悲嘆・怒り・抑鬱・・・などの苦難の人生を理解することは難しい。具体的に詳細に解説される親に求める支援には、親であるとはどういうことかの本質が現れているように思われる。養親家族、里親家族だけでなく、全ての家族が知る価値のある「人間とは何か」が見事に描き出された良書。

Japan on Feb 09, 2018

Fernanda Pacheco: This book covers different aspects of the adoptee's questions and also the parents given thoughts and feelings.
I noticed there is a huge pressure on the birth mother and the impact she has on the adoptee's life. However, there are no mentions to the birth father, which made me wonder his role in this process.
Another missing point is, how to deal with families when one parent is the biological one and the other parent adopts the child?

Australia on Jun 08, 2017

Rafael Carvalho Oliveira: Um livro útil onde vários pontos podem ser aproveitados no dia a dia. As dicas e informações são importantes para quem acabou de entrar no mundo da adoção.

Brazil on Apr 18, 2017

Anthony: Seems to be written by someone who has imagined what it is to be adopted and not to have lived as.

I would not recommend at all.

France on Sep 22, 2014

busymama: I can see how prospective adoptive parents may be scared when they read this book, and I can't say that some of the things written didn't scare me, too. That being said, from the time I started reading this book, I could see many of the feelings and behaviors that Eldridge writes about in my seven-year-old son who was adopted as an infant. ( I also have a ten-year-old bio daughter and a three-year-old son adopted as an infant).

Though it is difficult to think of how painful and, frankly, damaging it can be to a child to have been separated by his birth mom (or birth parents), I personally feel reassured that some of my son's behaviors may stem from his adoption loss, and that there are things that may help him heal. My son will say things like, "I want to go live with my other family" when he's mad and also very heartbreaking things such as, "I should just be dead," when he is frustrated at himself for making a mistake. I can now see how his feelings directly tie to his adoption loss, curiosity about his birth family, and his sense of not being "good enough.". While I had suspected these things all long, it is somewhat reassuring to hear that adult adoptees have had similar...

United States on Feb 05, 2013

A. E Rothert: I am now an adult. I was adopted as an infant. This is the first time I have seen in print many of the feelings of loss and abandonment being given up created in me. These are really feelings that should be experienced, experiences that should be grieved. The author advocates for openness about adoption, which I think is the solution: Don't pretend there wasn't an abandonment (even if it was for good reasons) and don't hide adoption like it is something to be ashamed of or over-do the opposite by labelling the adoptee "special."

The weakness of this book, as others have written, is that it dwells on the negative. There is a lot of good that comes out of adoption. It is probably the most important good thing that has happened to me to help make me who I am today. And most adoptees are like me in that they are accepted into loving families who are open about the adoption and do the best they can to make it day by day.

The author at times seems to be overly dramatizing the loss that adopted children feel. But this is likely intentional. This is, afterall, a book about what adopted children wish their adoptive parents knew. I *do* wish my adoptive parents had known that...

United States on Jun 20, 2005